I couldn't get the seatbelt on the airplane

A 2025 holiday, some 13 years later, channeling body acceptance, weight neutrality & health living ❤️

13 years ago, I sat on a Ryan Air flight, boarding to Magaluf with my friends to live my best life in BCM to Cascada 💃- IYKYK…

The cabin crew came round to do the seatbelt check and realised I was hiding something, slyly passing me the seatbelt extender, because at 20 years old and 22 stone I couldn’t get the seatbelt on. 

I was nicknamed Biffa back then, the dustbins, because I was the “fat friend” 

Something I actually made up myself, 

Not out of sabotage, more out of protection, if I joked about myself then sticks and stones you know? 

But actually the joke about myself was a joke at myself. 

It was a one way ticket to body shame and yo-yo dieting. 

After my seatbelt experience, I vowed to change my ways. Obviously not until I’d sank way too many Pina Coladas and ate way too many fried breakfasts at the most British cafes we could find in Spain (forgive me we were a bunch of early 20’s fresh faced with no idea of culture) 

My change came in the way I knew back then. 

Kate Moss was circulating the headlines and heroic chic was very much “in” 

Thinness was the pinnacle. 

And I remember for years seeing my Mum eat very little (steamfresh meals, and bowls of SpecialK), weigh herself regularly and seek validation from others about her size of clothes. 

In fact, alongside my baby Mum trauma, I recall her telling friends when I was 9 that I was now in “Size 12 clothes, because kids clothes no longer fitted me” 

I was always the ‘bigger’ girl, the ‘larger’ friend, my Uncle nicknamed me Beef. 

I was a Beef and a Biffa. 

What a time to be alive. 

So my change came, and much like my binge eating, I did it in secret. 

Only my best friend knew, and its a good job because the day I pulled every muscle in my body from spinning she was there to come to the hospital with me for some oramorph (for another email 💀)

I fell into it. 

Weight watchers

Slimming World 

Excessive exercise 

Shrinking myself

My 21st birthday I had done about 4 stone and all of a sudden people began to look, they began to comment, I was being noticed. 

THIS IS WHAT I HAD LONGED FOR. 

To have attention, to be worthy, to be accepted. 

So I continued. This confirmed my bias that thinness was “pinnacle” 

Along came Little Mix and Jessy Nelson slammed for being “fat”, at the same time Jessica Simpson shamed for “weight gain” 

Confirming again that thinness was the ONLY place to be. 

I got down to 53kg - A staggering 87kg loss. 

But there was something weird happening. 

I still didn’t like myself… 

I fell into relationships that were more toxic than the sour skittles you used to get. 

I body monitored my days away. 

I compared to EVERY ONE around me. 

And despite all the attention, I still never felt worthy, accepting or even healthy…

The reality is too - I was still binge eating, at my smallest, I was still fixated on food. I was still having regular episodes and it was this weight the famous £24 on pick n mix was spent. 

I did it all wrong. 

And I wonder if you are too. 

I was dieting to “fix” myself. 

I thought I was the problem, that I needed to change. 

That holding body fat was “ugly” and “unworthy” 

I WAS SO WRONG!!! And in being wrong I was tripped into yoyo dieting and body shame. 

January is the revolving month of Mondays, and ultimately I care about your fat loss and the sustainability of it. 

Not like me and having to do it all backwards ultimately damaging my health in ways that are irreversible. 

What are you dieting for? 

Are you dieting to change your body? 

Or

Are you dieting to better your health? (Which will subsequently lead to a change in body composition) 

Both outcomes are pretty similar, the result is fat loss. 

However, there’s a significant difference between the two in terms of both sustained weight loss, body image, food fixation, mental wellbeing, yo-yo dieting etc. 

Dieting to change your body is subscription to diet culture. 

It’s saying to yourself that your body isn’t good enough, that he, she, they need changing. That your worth is wrapped up in your shape. 

Your entire fixation becomes ON your body.

Eating for your body

Moving for your body

And is a big reason why in the world of SW, WW people tend to binge after a weight loss and “get back on it” 

They’ve given themselves a break after “doing well” and have a night of freedom (glorified binge) before excessive restriction, body checking starts again 

Whereas dieting for your health is movement, nutrition FOR your body.

It’s eating to feel good.

Moving to feel good.

Including ALL food so your diet feels uplifting, freeing. 

It’s acceptance that your body isn’t an ornament, not here to pretty the world.

It’s recognising the health benefits that come, fitness, mobility, mental freedom. 

Focusing on fat loss for your body is linked to body image dissatisfaction and eating disorders. 

Switching your focus is acknowledging you are more than your body. 

Knowing that you can diet for your health and see the changes aesthetically but it isn’t your entire focus is the mindset flex you NEED for fat loss. 

The shift comes when you recognise that YOU are NOT the problem and YOU DO NOT NEED FIXING. It was, like I said, the biggest lie I fell into, and not a trap I want for you. Listen to this podcast to help you redirect your mind with weight loss.